It feels right, but I know it would not end right.
Come to think of it, I shouldn’t feel this way at all. I shouldn’t be dismayed in times when you don’t call or in times you ignore me for days. I shouldn’t be sad when you don’t ask me how it’s like after spending time with you. And of course, I can’t be crying every time you tell me to never tell anyone we’ve been going out together.
I know I don’t own you and perhaps I never will. So stupid of me to swoon on your words that you could have dated me if you never had a girlfriend. So stupid of me to wait for a reply when you’re busy minding the drama of your LDR girlfriend. So stupid of me to be a late night fling. Now I couldn’t be more stupid for asking my role in your life no matter how pathetic that may be. To ask for explanations how can you give mixed signals then come to ignore me. To pretend it’s not something to cry the whole night when you told me to never get attached to you because you don’t want to hurt me.
Of course, I couldn’t be her. I could never hold your heart the way she holds it like a trophy. I couldn’t post our pictures, or write something about you for the whole world to see. I will only be the one you’re secretly seeing the whole time. The one you’re sending false hopes no matter how many times you keep on reminding that we could never be more than that.
You see, I’m trying to be the best at loving you but I can’t possibly let you do the same for me. Whenever you’re with me, I know you’re not really with me no matter how I tried to change that. It’s simply because I’m not her. And as I look at yet another update of the two of you on my feed, with flowering words I wished you can say to me while a part of me still thinks in the lamest way that I hope you can make us official, I am also thinking that maybe this online PDA of your long-term relationship is the exact closure I need to get over this and get over you.