To the One I Almost Dated

 

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Somehow I was successful in pretending that what we had was never really a big deal – like it’s almost a total blur. But just this once I’ll tell you how much I’m feeling to this whirlwind romance you never remember but I can’t possibly forget.

Don’t get me wrong. I miss you. I miss how everything used to be. I miss the simple things: the way you run your fingers through my hair and how you tell me it smells great, the way you look at me while I was whining, the way you patiently answer the question I asked a million times or the way you carry me in your arms to stop me from blabbering. I miss your spoon feeding even when my mouth still full and how those people watching in awe told as how a great couple we are and we’ll be laughing because we really are not. I miss the way you help me in my home works and the way you insert love notes in my books. Every time you ignore and walk past behind me, I see the one who used to stop and kiss me; I see the one I’m with the whole night doing crazy things: sitting on the sidewalk while you’re doing lame magic tricks, slow dancing on a midnight on the road where my father greatly forbids and laughing hearts out doing the piggyback ride while the world was asleep.

But there are things I didn’t miss. I didn’t miss being second to all the things that matter to you. I didn’t miss how you ignore me when your crush sends you sudden endearments because she needs you to do something. I didn’t miss the way you told me you like me but you have someone already stored. I didn’t miss your stories on how you got your heart broken. I didn’t miss pretending I don’t notice you eyeing to other girls. I didn’t miss your convincing that we don’t need labels. I didn’t miss my asking for making us official. I didn’t miss how you sent me to friend zone countless times with reasons so hard to understand after building hopes in my heart. And I will be drinking the whole night while you were helplessly asking your crush out. I didn’t miss being a late night fling. And of all things I didn’t miss, I didn’t miss you.

Even though a part of me missed the things we do, I didn’t miss this unlabeled relationship, so toxic, the kind that made people jump off bridges. So yes, I missed us. God knows how much I missed us. But our love is not the kind of love I wanted.

To the Guy I Never Thought I’ll Get Over With

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I’m doing well since the last time you pushed me away and I’m happy to say that this will be the last letter I’ll be writing for you.

It might be surprising because it took me a while to realize I am no longer the girl who spends the night awake staring at the ceiling. I am no longer the one who gets up in bed every morning only to crawl back later. I am no longer the girl who breaks down when passing a familiar place or hearing a song. I am no longer the girl who pretends to understand that commitment is not really your thing. And I am no longer the girl you’ve repeatedly been telling you’ll find again someday.

Maybe it’s because I was so blind at how you pretended to be the godly man you’re claiming to be. I was crazy about the whole thing…

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A Letter to My Future Husband

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I don’t know if we met already. I don’t even know if we already passed each other’s ways. I am writing to you because I want you to know that I am wondering if I ever crossed your mind or have any idea about me. Either way, as early as now, I am waiting for you and I always am.

I hope you’re doing fine; I know you are. I’m pretty sure you are handsome and I believe you are wonderfully made, designed to withstand trials, a clear proof you are a child of God. You are a believer and a servant of Christ; I know because I prayed for you all along. With that, I am becoming more excited about spiritually walking together with you.

I wonder what you are doing right now. You’re probably be sleeping at this very moment or preoccupied with your home works. I wonder if you have those sexy brown eyes, or that lips so hard to reach. I wonder if you have dozens of dogs and love them as much as I do. I am dying to tell you to prepare yourself to my random moods and craziness. Just so you know I love cuddling, chocolates, ice creams, cereals, Chuckie, piggyback rides, and surprises. Don’t shout or raise your voice at me, I easily get hurt. Don’t try to keep secrets, five minutes and I know everything so don’t bother to do so. Please at least try to pretend you are listening to my endless rants and dramas. Let me kiss you as much as I want, I know you will let me. I am looking forward to being with you and as early as now, I am saving all my love for you.

Love, I hope you are a person who will bring us closer to God. I pray God will strengthen you in today’s trials you are facing. I pray you will never give up and will never be so hard on yourself. We still have a long time to take, and I pray God will preserve you. I hope you won’t be easily swayed by other women’s beauty so easily. I pray that right at this very moment, you are satisfied being alone because you knew that at the right time, I will surely come along. I pray God will help us save our purity so that we may be able to appreciate all the waiting. I am deeply praying that He will never allow you to engage in immoralities and He will give you a heart with a good judgment to resist temptations. I know you are a person with a good heart and you’re serving God by bringing people to Him. I believe that at the right time, we will finally have all the reasons why things didn’t work out as much as we wanted them to be, why past relationships have to end, and why we are kept from the wrong people. And lastly, I pray all these waiting will pay off until the day we meet.

I can’t wait to finally be with you and do all the things I want to do with you; to steal your food, to cook your favorite dishes, to ride on your back, and to surprise you with kisses (random hugs included). Hold on love, perfect timing will find my way to you. I’m sorry if I’m running late but believe me,  I’m on my way. By then we’ll be learning each other’s names and we’ll start connecting all the dots. And we will realize that we’ve known each other all along.

                                                                                                            Your Future Wife,

Ria Trexie