To the One-Sided Love I Once Had

 

image“It would be perfect,” I thought if only it happened sometime in the future when he’s no longer a coward and I am not desperate.

You are not really mine to begin with and you never have plans either. How foolish of me to be so devastated by that no strings attached situation with you. It will always be a hard and painful thing to deal that even though I was left so many times and so easily, I don’t have the courage to rant because a friend doesn’t rant. And I was a friend.

I knew all along you are not the type who believe in labels. I was thinking maybe you were right, that a label is only a plain formality, that it really doesn’t matter if you go on dating without knowing what you are up for. It was okay then because I thought it’s where we’ll surely last long.

But then it hits me. Wait, I deserve better than this. I deserve better than waiting to be called up late at night. I deserve better than being a past time when your crush is ignoring you. I deserve better than being second to all the things that matter to you. I deserve better than being left and told to be “just friends” because you were afraid of commitments.

What we had was a beneficial relationship and I chose to never admit that because after all those steamy nights where we were alone and all those times we felt so intense, I really thought it was something more. When you told me you like me but you love her, I chose to close my ears and hope that maybe you would fall for me the next day if I continue to do more. But when you finally told me you never have plans and it’s not yet the right time for us, that’s when I break down.

You said you would still be there for me but no, I don’t want to be a mere courtesy. You can’t just disappear into my life and come back when you feel like it. There is no such thing as a wrong person at the right time because I only forced everything about us to fall perfectly today even though you were always a wrong one after all.

 

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