An Open Letter To The Guy Who Will Soon Leave Me

imageI shouldn’t feel this way at all. I shouldn’t have let this pain in and emotionally destroy me because I already knew all along this is going to happen and when that time comes you don’t have to think twice about leaving it all behind because in the first place, there was never an us.

Let me tell you that the time we spent together was more than enough. I wasn’t able to tell you how much I never wanted you to leave because it was only in you where I felt my world turned. Maybe you weren’t aware but all those times, I was different when I’m with you, in a good way. I wasn’t the type anymore who holds back. I was happy, totally happy.

Baby, I will miss you. I will miss how you lean on to kiss me, how you brush off the hair on my face, how you make me feel comfortable when I’m with you, how you avoid making a single move because I was sleeping on your shoulder, and how you never make me feel guilty when you’re cold but you let me wear your jacket. I was always insecure about the girl you’re crushing on, pretending to listen eagerly without showing the overwhelming sadness that I wish I was her. You didn’t know how my heart went wild the first time you lean on to kiss me, or the way I felt so wonderful everytime you hug me in the crowd like no one’s watching. You didn’t know that everytime you hold my hand, I wish that when the time comes that you have to finally leave, you wouldn’t do it anyway.

I promise I will be strong enough to handle when memories will be hitting me–the slow dancing, the stolen moments you said I Love You and I was pretending I didn’t hear a single word, the way you stare at me as if I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. I promise I will be able to handle in times when I’m going to miss how you insist to carry me even if I don’t want to, the slow dancing, or how we did that piggy-back-ride in 5am and we still aren’t home and we’re the only ones on the street and we’re laughing our hearts out because it really was funny.

There are millions of things I want to say but I’m afraid I might break down and cry. We didn’t have to say goodbye because we didn’t even say hello to something. We didn’t need closure because we didn’t open a door. There was never an US, just YOU and ME. And even when you will be gone, there’s still a place where all of these seem to exist forever, where memories remain as they are, where smiles are never broken, and time frozes still–it’s forever engraved in the heart of the girl who was left behind.