To The Guy I Was Hoping I’ll End Up With

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To The Guy I Had To Let Go Of

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It took me a while to decide to set you free, to take care of myself, and to bring back what I have lost since the time I started to believe that that was the right time and you were the right guy.

I knew all along you weren’t the right guy but I blinded my eyes to the things you showed me that you really are not. It doesn’t bother me that you always forget our special days. It doesn’t bother me that you don’t spend time with my family anymore. It doesn’t bother me that you are not looking forward in seeing me after a month or so. It doesn’t bother me that you are spending the night with your oh-so-puta workmates while I was crying my heart out because you were already ignoring me for days. It doesn’t bother me that I was kept on being neglected for weeks after having a fight. It doesn’t bother me when you say it’s okay if we break up because you can always find someone better than me. Of course it doesn’t bother me anymore because when you’ve been taken for granted for a while, it becomes normal to you. It becomes normal waking up and excitedly grabbing the phone and didn’t even receive a single text. It becomes normal that his Facebook profile picture was your picture together but you are cropped out, and then days later you are blocked. It becomes normal to you to cry your heart out all through the night and waking up the next morning feeling dreadful.

But wait, I guess I deserve better than this. I deserve to be someone’s only option. I deserve someone who’s crazy about me. I deserve a love that’s not like ours, so toxic, the kind of love that makes some people jump off bridges and swallow a month’s supply of pills. I love you, but our love was never the kind of love I wanted.

I wish I had the strength to lift up not just myself but the both of us. I wish I’m still able to handle this and forget I am breaking. But no. A girl like me doesn’t deserve a guy like you. And when that right guy comes at the right time, maybe you’ll finally learn that the pain I actually deserve is the aching of my cheeks.