To the Guy I Stopped Hoping For

image

There are really things that should remain in the past. One good example is my expectation on US.

We never really had a label to begin with and you never gave me a hint. You never told me to wait. It was me who was hoping you’ll finally make us happen. It seems like it was too easy for you to say we really have to stop this after all the overwhelming feeling we had. It was never easy after all. I was still hoping that maybe just maybe, you will try to love me just like how I loved you. Now it seems like it wasn’t going anywhere. I was left and I had to choose either to wait for you or walk away. At one point in time I knew this waiting has to stop.

It was my fault anyway. If only I wasn’t so obvious about my feelings for you, if only I didn’t reciprocate the oh-so-sweet gestures you do, if only I wasn’t crazy about this whole thing, if only I ignored the first time you said Hello and if only I didn’t assume so much, I wouldn’t be this torn. I realized if you want us, you will do everything no matter what. Now that I see I’m not going anywhere, I knew I have to stop this hoping. I knew I have to stop waiting that one day, you will walk in and bug me again just like what you did the first time I fell for you. I was waiting that one day, you will never show me again how simply unaffected you are and I don’t have to try my best to act that what we had was never a big deal, that it was okay to just let it all go.

So now let me say this to you: PLEASE PLEASE LET ME LET YOU GO. I love you but I can’t spend this time of my life waiting for you. Please stop giving me mixed signals so I won’t have any false hopes again. Let me master the art of letting you go. Don’t make me gave in so easily Baby. I love you but I love myself more. Now I’m giving up all the hopes I had and it also means getting you out of my life. God knows Iloveyou–Gosh I really love you. I’ll see you again when we’re both ready for the commitment you told me you’re not even sure of. Right now all I have to do is to get on with my life because at this point, this is not really the time for us.. 😞

Advertisements

To the Guy Who Taught Me What Friendzone Really Is

image

It’s amazing how you simply came into this peaceful red thing of mine and destroyed the walls I’ve been building my whole life and then in all of a sudden – you’re gone.

I hate to admit I loved you. Everything happened so fast, you bugged me one fine midnight in April, introduced yourself, and the next thing I knew, I gave in. I was crazy about the whole thing and I love how we enjoy talking until midnight about little stuff, the nicknames we had, the crazy conversations and the overwhelming feeling of having someone care for you without having that relationship. It seems like I was playing a game of whoever falls in love first, loses. And I was a loser. Cause I did fall. Hard.

I know I shouldn’t have set myself for things like this because things were falling apart when I realized they don’t play out the way I imagined it would. I’m a girl and I take those mixed signals so precious that I started imagining how would it felt like when we will be together finally. I know I’m being too assuming but I can’t just turn down the fact that you like me. And how was I to know you really like me but as a friend, no more than that.

I fell so hard, my ego just beating up when you said you have to leave as soon as possible. You left so fast, so easily, and I was left behind wondering what to do with these things I’m used doing with you. I was so mad because you made me believe I was special, that everything we had was something. I was so mad because I never confessed my feelings to someone so easily but I did managed to say those words to you. I was mad because I didn’t know what to do right now.

I know I don’t own you and perhaps I never will so when you left me, I don’t have the right to feel the anger, the resentments, the pain. It’s funny how I’ve put so much in this situation. Maybe someday I will be able to finally laugh and remember how I cried and I let myself caught in this 1-week whirlwind romance.